


it's okay (i'm here for you)

by amajikiri



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Dohyon-Centric, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 19:44:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20729747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amajikiri/pseuds/amajikiri
Summary: Dohyon feels the need to go after Eunsang, to tug on his sleeve like he did earlier, to bring him back into the quiet space of their shared room. But then what? Dohyon was never quite good at comforting people; he didn’t even know how to comfort himself. Eunsang probably wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to Dohyon either way. He knows that the eleven of them are going to spend the next five years together but in times like this, Dohyon still wonders if he’ll ever be able to see past that tension in Eunsang’s eyes or the soft corners of his smile.





	it's okay (i'm here for you)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is meant to be an introspective look into some of the members of x1 during their one-month preparation for debut, told from dohyon's perspective. obviously this is pure fiction and i don't know any of the members personally or know what they went through. this is just a fanfiction, so don't take anything too seriously !! otherwise, i hope you like it lots !!!
> 
> (ps. this fic was meant to be a one shot but it got way too long so it's gonna be a three part fic! i'll try to post every one or two weeks)

_worried that this might keep repeating_

_you just want to cry_

_i know_

* * *

Dohyon didn’t expect their debut to be so soon. They had one day, _ one day_, to ‘rest’ before moving into the dorms and starting the process of their album. There’s a little over a month to record the album, to learn the choreographies (and Dohyon had the most to learn … he was the only member who wasn’t in U GOT IT, Move, _ or _ Ippeo Ippeo), film the music video, shoot the photos for teasers, album jackets and photobook, _ and _ prepare for the debut showcase. Dohyon knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he also didn’t think it’d be so _ difficult_. 

Their days after that final, exhaustingly long four-hour episode are spent in humid practice rooms with only one electric fan and buses that become makeshift beds and salons that Dohyon and Minhee spent too much time in (who thought hair dying would be so horrible?). Dohyon tries not to let his fatigue show, but he knows sometimes he can't help it. He nearly practically asleep in the middle of their vocal practice for _I'm here for you_ the other day and was woken up by Seungyoun pulling him up from off the floor. The song had ended and he hadn't said his ending lines, so they had to do it again. 

Dohyon avoids online comments like the plague. He only can go on his phone to text his mom (because she worries too much) or to listen to music. He doesn’t want to see all the bad things people are surely saying about him and his hyungs. Dohyon walked in on a very upset Yohan last week and it was the first time he saw Yohan _ angry _. Whatever elicited that reaction out of a hyung that’s usually so calm and cheery, must be too horrible for him to see. 

The rides home are always loud with bickering, unlike their rides in the early morning to the company building in which everyone is half dead. Dohyon is eating away at a sandwich that was leftover from lunch. Seungyoun is making jokes with Hangyul, both of them having seemingly infinite reserves of (crackhead) energy. Seungwoo is slumped against Wooseok, but still quietly observing the members with an overwhelming fondness on his face. Yohan is busy trying to mediate a petty argument about the order of showering between Dongpyo and Minhee. Junho and Hyeongjun are monitoring the parts of the choreography on an iPad, sharing Airpods with their heads pressed close like puppies. 

And Eunsang is asleep next to Dohyon. He’s somehow still completely upright and his black hair is still matte against his head. Eunsang is wearing one of Dohyon’s shirts and it’s the first time in a couple hours that there’s no tension from the corner of his mouth. 

The van comes to a screeching halt and the group of tired boys pile out of the car quickly. Dohyon makes sure all of his items are with his swiftly but when he turns, he realizes Eunsang is still asleep, seemingly unaware of their arrival to the dorms. 

He tugs at Eunsang’s shirt softly. “Hyung, wake up. We’re here.” 

Eunsang’s pretty eyes flutter open and he looks confused, before solemnly nodding. He blinks once, then twice. If Junho was here, he’d make fun of how sluggish Eunsang’s blinks are. 

Dohyon hands Eunsang his bag and grabs his hyung’s wrist, leading him inside before Seungwoo comes back for them. 

* * *

There are two bathrooms in the dorm but only one bath, so the eleven of them have to alternate. Most of the time, someone will get too impatient and just walk in on whoever’s turn it is and just shower with them (Seungwoo) or will be too sleepy to even wash up (Minhee) or will only half clean themself (Dongpyo). Today, it’s Dohyon’s turn first and he tries to be considerate of the others, washing his face as quickly as possible before showering in under five minutes. The water doesn’t even get a chance to warm up, but Dohyon doesn’t mind. 

He quickly pulls on his pajamas and finds his way to Hangyul and Seungyoun’s bedroom. His two hyungs are sitting on the floor, their energy seemingly depleted but their faces still bright. 

“Hey Dohyonnie.” Seungyoun greets him warmly. “You did really well today.” 

Hangyul looks up too, a toothy smile appearing. “Yeah, your dancing improved a lot.” 

Dohyon wants to tell them to stop being so kind to him, that there’s only another two weeks and he still forgets the simplest moves, that they’re _ wrong _ … but he doesn’t. Dohyon was never the type to correct people, or make smart comments.

Instead, he says, “Thanks.”

“My turn?” Seungyoun asks, already getting up. 

Dohyon nods. “You better hurry. Wooseok-hyung might beat you to it.” 

“Shit.” Seungyoun says under his breath, sprinting out the room before he even gets his clothes. 

Hangyul laughs heartily and it loosens the tension in Dohyon’s body easily. He finds himself giggling too. 

“Did you really mean it?” Dohyon asks Hangyul shly, when they’re alone. 

“Mean what?” Hangyul looks up at Dohyon through his bangs. He looks like his age for once. 

“The dance … me improving?” 

Hangyul blinks blankly. “Of course I do. Why would I lie to you?” 

“Oh.” Dohyon agrees quietly. Hangyul was always so straightforward. “I’ll do better.”

“I know you will Dohyonnie.” 

“Okay.” Dohyon starts backing up. “Good night hyung.”

“Night!” Hangyul reconsiders. “Wait, did you text your mom yet? You know how worried she’ll get.” 

Hangyul is the one who always reminds Dohyon to message his mother daily. It’s almost comical that the general public thought Hangyul was a delinquent for the longest time because of his rather intense image. In reality, Hangyul was a cheery, bright member of their team. He always scolds the younger members for the silliest thing (“Junho, you’ll get cold.” or “Hyeongjun, the food is hot!”) and chides Dohyon about the importance of respecting your parents. Hangyul even recently spoke about getting one of his tattoos removed, because his mother dislikes it. (Seungyoun then proceeded joked that they should get matching tattoos with Seungwoo instead.)

“No I haven’t.” Dohyon yawns. He glances at the clock on the Seungyoun's table. It’s midnight. They have to be up again in just a couple of hours. “But I will.” 

“Alright.” Hangyul slumps against the floor, not even bothering with his bed. Hie eyes are closing. “Good night, Dohyonnie.” 

“Night hyung.” 

Dohyon shuts the door behind him as quietly as possible.

* * *

When Dohyon finds his way back to his room, Eunsang’s has a white, fuzzy headband pushing his hair back already. He must have taken his contacts out because he’s wearing his thickly framed glasses. He’s still in Dohyon’s shirt and pants (which are Junho’s), criss cross on top of his bed. Eunsang carefully scrolling through something on his phone as he lays on the top bunk. Dohyon turns and blinks blankly at the neatly folded pile of clothes on the corner of his bed. They’re all Dohyon's. 

“Thanks, hyung.” Dohyon says. "For the clothes." 

There’s only a quiet hum in response. 

“Once Seungyoun-hyung is done, it’s your turn.” 

Another barely audible noise leaves Eunsang’s mouth. 

“Hyung?” 

Eunsang doesn’t even offer a noise of acknowledgment this time. 

Dohyon turns to face the bed, expecting Eunsang to be asleep (it wouldn’t be the first time) but instead, Eunsang’s eyes are wide. His face is stern from what Dohyon can see and his slender shoulders are tense. Eunsang shivering, like a kitten left out in the rain.

“Hyung, are you cold?” 

“No.” Eunsang finally says, but he doesn’t meet Dohyon’s eyes. “I’m not.” 

Dohyon isn’t quite sure how to respond. It’s been a couple of weeks since the two of them were assigned to be roommates and even longer since Dohyon saw Eunsang for the first time yet … it never gets any less surprising. Eunsang is like two different people when he’s smiling and when he’s not. Like two completely opposing entities living in one person. Eunsang’s smiling face is open and warm, rosy cheeks and soft eyes. But when he isn’t smiling, his face is scary handsome, all sharp angles and delicate details. It changes everything. (Though, there are also times when it doesn’t. Eunsang is pretty either way.) 

Eunsang starts climbing down from the top bunk, the sudden movement snapping Dohyon out of his trance. He exits the room without a word. 

Dohyon feels the need to go after Eunsang, to tug on his sleeve like he did earlier, to bring him back into the quiet space of their shared room. But then what? Dohyon was never quite good at comforting people; he didn’t even know how to comfort _himself_. Eunsang probably wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to Dohyon either way. He knows that the eleven of them are going to spend the next five years together but in times like this, Dohyon still wonders if he’ll ever be able to see past that tension in Eunsang’s eyes or the soft corners of his smile. 

Dohyon sits at the tiny electric piano shoved between the bend and dresser. He stares down at the keys and slides his fingers across the white plastic. Even though the piano at his house is much larger and made of heavy marble keys and precisely shaped wood, the feeling is familiar. It’s so comforting that Dohyon forgets the situation he’s in almost entirely, even if just for a moment. 

When he was younger, Dohyon was called a musical genius. It used to make him blush, because he thought it was just relatives gassing him up more than he deserved. It was just a hobby, something he liked to do. Genius implied _ talent _ and when Dohyon was younger, music didn’t feel like a talent, it felt like a much more mundane than that. He learned to play the piano at a young age at such a young age that it felt more like a friendship than an inanimate object. When he moved to Denmark (and later Japan) it was difficult for him to interact with people his age. Speaking to strangers was hard enough in Korean but in two foreign languages? Nearly impossible! The combination of language barriers and Dohyon’s inherent shyness made school a miserable experience. He grew to like things like math (because it’s rules don’t change, no matter what language it’s taught in) and art (not because he could draw in any type of phenomenal way, but because he liked how calming the bristles of brushes are) and most of all, music. There were no words in the composition of music, at least not in the traditional sense. Every note was an emotion that Dohyon didn’t know the words to, every melody an experience Dohyon couldn’t articulate.

And when Dohyon eventually became fluent in Japanese and English, it was still difficult to explain. Even now, when he looks down at the lined paper, the three different languages go fuzzy in his head, all blending together out of his control, like the badly mixed watercolors he played with when he was younger. But when Dohyon looks down at the keys of the piano, he knows exactly what he wants. In more ways than one, music is the first language Dohyon learned to speak.

He takes a deep breath and tries to not think about it too much. He can't ever say what he wants when the words in his mind are loud.

Dohyon presses one key for the bitter taste of sleep deprivation in his mouth at 4:30 AM because their schedules start at 5:00 AM. Another for the air knocked out of his lungs when Seungwoo strictly told the ten of them to just _ focus _ and do it again. A quiet note for the sight of Hangyul wrapping his ankle in bandages for the second time in one day. Another one for the way Dongpyo slumped against Hyeongjun and Minhee, bruises all over his arms and legs, barely opening his eyes but quietly saying, “one more time”. The last note for the way Eunsang’s eyelashes fluttered when he left their room, eyes shiny and distant. 

Maybe Dohyon should go ask Seungwoo or Junho about it, surely they would know. Or maybe Wooseok or Yohan. Maybe Eunsang was already speaking to one of them, maybe that’s why he had left. Dohyon quickly scribbled down the piano notes in his journal and gets up. He pulls on a sweater and finds his way to the kitchen. 

* * *

Dohyon knows he shouldn’t be getting a snack, not now in the middle of the night (their managers would probably tell him he’ll gain too much weight for late-night eating) but Dohyon will probably burn off all the calories he eats tenfold tomorrow. There are only two boxes of banana milk left and Dohyon takes both of them. 

The bedroom closest to the kitchen is shared by Junho, Minhee, and Hyeongjun. Dohyon opens the door without knocking.

Dongpyo is at the mirror, even though this isn’t his room. His face is bright and washed, clear of any of the angry, red flush that he had when they were still at the company building. He’s wearing shorts and a shirt that’s too big for him, but Dohyon can still see the bruises on his hyung’s skin. Three on his arms, from dropping to the floor too hard during their breaks. Underneath, Dohyon knows there are probably more. Dongpyo always pushes himself too hard and the way his knees are blue and green is proof of that. Dongpyo seemed smaller than usual in that moment and Dohyon quietly wonders to himself if his hyung was dieting again. 

“Dohyon? Did you need something?” Hyeongjun asks from his bed. 

The room is organized with three beds pushed on one side of the room, with small tables in between each one. Without even knowing, you could tell who occupied which bed. In the right corner is Junho’s bed, neatly made but with plushies piled so high Dohyon wonders if there’s even space to sleep. Minhee’s bed is in the middle, with a blue comforter and hoodies hanging over the frame. There’s a large reusable plastic back at the foot of his bed but Dohyon never knows what it’s for or what’s inside it. Hyeongjun’s bed is to the left, with soft wool blankets and a big, Donpgyo-sized plushie on the bed. Hyeongjun is slumped against the plushie. On his table is a lit candle and he’s on his laptop. 

“Oh I was just looking for Minhee-hyung.” Dohyon holds up the milk box that he isn’t drinking. “There were only two left.” 

“You shouldn’t give it to him, Dohyon-ah.” Dongpyo glances at the box in Dohyon’s hand carefully as he pats the cream into his soft cheeks. “He was the one who drank all of them.” 

Hyeongjun laughs, shaking his head. His hair is still wet and there’s droplets hanging off of them. “I mean, you’re not wrong.” 

“Wait both of you showered already?” Dohyon asks, tilting his head. He lays down on Minhee’s bed anyways, placing the box on the table just in case. 

“After you finished we all doubled up. Pyo washed his face while I showered and visa versa.” Hyeongjun says, scrolling absentmindedly through his phone. “It’s late, aren’t you sleepy?” 

Dohyon isn’t, he feels too restless for his exhaustion to settle in. 

“Not really.” 

“Do you want to watch a movie with me then?” Hyeongjun offers, and his smile is soft. 

Dongpyo is already making his way over to Hyeongjun’s bed and he points at the spot to the other side of Hyeongjun. “I can’t sleep either.” 

His words are probably a lie, because Dongpyo could barely keep his eyes open earlier but Dohyon doesn't say anything. For some reason, sleep doesn't feel as important as whatever they're about to do. 

“Only a short movie guys.” Hyeongjun chides, “Seungwoo will come in and scold us if we stay up too long.” 

Dohyon settles on the spot to Hyeongjun’s left. The bed is small, probably too small for all three of them to be in but there’s comforting about being with his hyungs. Hyeongjun, even with his baby face and cute mannerisms, seems so much older than Dohyon. He’s very quietly caring: waking up each of them every morning with a soft voice, always helping Minhee and Dohyon with moves that they can’t remember, endlessly earnest during recording sessions, even though the company doesn’t give him enough lines. 

“I can’t stay long anyways.” Dongpyo responds, tucking his head in Hyeongjun’s shoulder. He’s close enough that Dohyon can smell Minhee’s (stupid, but cute) strawberry shampoo on him. Where was Minhee then? “Yohan-hyung will probably barge in any minute and drag me back to our room. He keeps babying me lately. Doesn’t he know that’s Seungwoo-hyung’s job?” 

Hyeongjun laughs and Dohyon is close enough to feel his body shake. He settles on a romantic movie on Netflix. He pinches Donpyo’s cheek. “You’re cute, of course he babies you.”

Dohyon glances at the messy center bed. “Where’s Minhee-hyung?” 

“Him and Junho went to shower like ten minutes ago.” Hyeongjun replies. The movie is on and they’re all watching the screen but Dohyon suspects none of them will pay attention. 

“M––Minhee … and Junho?” Dongpyo asks, his voice very deliberate. 

Hyeongjun whips his head so quick that Dohyon is startled. “Excuse me?” 

“What?” 

“_ ‘Minhee and Junho’ _. Why did you say it like that?” Hyeongjun asks cheekily, grinning from ear to ear. 

Dongpyo’s face turns red, but not an unpleasant, frustrated red he wears when dancing. It’s soft rosy pink that stretches from the tops of his glassy cheeks to the tip of his cute nose. Dohyon smiles too. 

When he’s sitting in on conversations like this, Dohyon imagines this is how school would’ve been like. Dohyon goes to a school that his mother picked out for him and even though classes were easy and not terribly unpleasant, Dohyon was never very interested in pursuing his education. It always made her so happy when he brought home awards though; his mother used hang his perfect report cards next to photos of him at piano recitals. Dohyon never made many friends when he still went to school regularly, but he never really minded. He met a lot of people he can call friends at the company and even more during Under19 and Produce. Dohyon doesn’t really regret anything, but when he sees Dongpyo’s blushing face and Hyeongjun’s teasing smile, he almost feels regret for not trying harder to talk to that one nice girl in his math class who always let him borrow a pencil, or the boy who always saved Dohyon’s seat for him even though they never even exchanged names. 

“L––like what?” Dongpyo plays dumb but Dohyon can tell he’s nervous. 

Hyeongjun puts on his best Dongpyo voice, “_ Minhee _.” 

Dongpyo shuts the laptop with a loud smack and leaps out of bed, tripping on Minhee’s large bag on the floor. He’s laughing nervously. “Haha … suddenly I gotta go.” 

“Son Dongpyo––” Hyeongjun is about to get up and Dohyon finds the scene so amusing. 

“No, I swear to God I hear Yohan-hyung or something so bye!” 

Dongpyo makes a run for it, swinging the door open and there he is: Minhee. 

Minhee is wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. (Dohyon is convinced he doesn’t own other clothes unless it’s striped shirts.) His hair is still wet and the white ends are flat against his face. There’s a small towel on his head, as if the fabric is supposed to magically suck up all the water from his hair. He looks down at Dongpyo with a slight surprise. Minhee’s eyes are so tired that Dohyon isn’t even sure if registers the situation.

Minhee tilts his head. “Pyo, why is your face so red?” 

“N––nothing! Good night losers!” Dongpyo pushes Minhee out of the doorway and finally escapes the room. Dohyon already knows that Hyeongjun will absolutely not let this go and Dongpyo will get teased endlessly for it. 

Minhee swings the door close with his foot before flopping down on his bed. It’s too small for him, Dohyon realizes. Minhee’s feet hang slightly over the end of the mattress. 

“What was that about?” 

“Oh, nothing.” Dohyon says quickly, giving Hyeongjun a sharp look. If Hyeongjun ever told anyone else about the situation that just occurred, their dorm would turn into World War III. Dongpyo would never let such a betrayal come to pass. 

“Whatever, he’s so _ weird _.” Minhee dismisses the whole ordeal rather quickly, instead beginning to dry his hair with the towel. “Are you guys watching a movie?” 

“Yeah.” Hyeongjun says. “Doesn’t the synopsis sound cute? I’ve wanted to watch it for a while.” 

Hyeongjun reads the description quickly (about some girl who wrote a love letter for some guy) before pressing play and continuing the movie. Dohyon realizes that it’s in English. It’s been so long since he’s heard this much English. The last person he heard speak English that _ isn’t _ himself is Tony, when he hugged Dohyon goodbye during that last stage.

“I’m sleepy though, Junnie.” Minhee lays down on his bed with his towel still on his head, his hair still soaked. “I’m just gonna listen to the movie.”

“It’s in English though?” 

“Okay and? I’m practicing for our international fans.” Minhee yawns, tucking his long limbs under his blanket. His hair is turning the white pillowcase gray with the water. 

“Don’t sleep with it wet hyung! You’ll get a cold.” Dohyon says, leaning over to pick up the towel and dropping it on the floor.

Hyeongjun then leans over to throw it on top of Minhee’s comforter. “We shouldn’t leave it on the floor either, Junho would go ballistic. He’s so neat.” 

“Well, one of us has to be. This room would be in flames if it was just the two of us, Hyeongjun.” Minhee notices the box of banana milk on his table and gives Dohyon a thumbs up as he sticks the straw into it. 

“Where is Junho anyways?” Hyeongjun asks. 

“Dohyon and Eunsang’s room.” 

Dohyon’s suspicion was correct. If he goes back right now, wouldn’t be interrupting something? 

So Dohyon stays with Minhee and Hyeongjun. They get half an hour into the movie before Minhee turns to the other side, his long body going limp, curled up within himself. Dohyon realizes he hasn’t seen Minhee asleep in a bed yet. The older boy looks surprisingly small when he’s asleep, tucking his legs neatly over a portion of his comforter, blonde head tucked into his chest. Minhee’s feet don’t hang over the edge anymore, but his hair is still wet. He’s gonna wake up with a headache tomorrow. 

It’s only another ten minutes when Hyeongjun is dozing off too. He leans his head against Dohyon without even realizing, eyes glazed over. Dohyon suggests they sleep soon but Hyeongjun insists on finishing the movie. When they get an hour in, however, Hyeongjun is completely passed out against Dohyon’s shoulder. He mumbles cutely in his sleep and though it’s barely coherent, Dohyon can hear his satoori slipping out when he says the most random words and phrases. 

Dohyon carefully shuts Hyeongjun’s laptop close, blows out the candle on his nightstand and pulls Hyeongjun down against the pillows. He glances at the clock and it’s already 1:00AM. He still feels restless.

Dohyon exists the bedroom as silently as possible (because Seungwoo and Wooseok’s single bedrooms are also on this floor and if Dohyon gets caught they’ll probably murder him), paddling up the stiars silently. 

He passes Seungyoun and Hangyul’s room and sees that the light is still on but there’s hardly any noise from within. Dongpyo and Yohan’s room is dead silent and the door isn’t closed all the way. Dohyon and Eunsang’s shared bedroom is the last door on the top floor. The light in the room is off but Dohyon can hear a hushed conversation coming from within. It feels odd, that Dohyon is standing in hesitation in front of his own bedroom and that for some reason, entering a space that’s supposed to be _ his _ feels like an invasion. Dohyon settles for knocking on the door instead. 

It takes several moments before Dohyon hears the wiggle of the door handle from the other side. It’s Junho, his hair completely dry and his face bare. His eyes are wide and his expression blank. Dohyon finds it difficult to predict what people are thinking anyways, but with Cha Junho it’s next to impossible. It’s not that Junho is a cold or distant hyung, in fact, he’s often bright and charismatic. It’s just that he gets serious very easily and scary quiet in situations that call for it. 

And that’s what Junho’s face is telling Dohyon now. His eyes are very big, as if he had forgotten that this was _ Dohyon’s _ room and he’s biting his lip, as if he had expected one of the older members to be opening the door. 

“Oh Dohyon, thank _ god _ it’s just you.” Junho pushes the door open a little more and Dohyon can see Eunsang’s sunken figure on the top bunk of the bed.

Dohyon tilts his head, looking from Junho to Eunsang’s wet head of black hair in the background. “Why, were you expecting someone else, hyung?”

Junho smiles a little, “Seungwoo-hyung, yeah.”

“I think he’s asleep, so you’re safe.” Junho is still guarding the door carefully. “Uh, can I come in?” 

Junho’s smile drops and Dohyon can hear Eunsang moving around in the background. Dohyon already knows the answer to that question. 

“Actually … would you mind switching beds with me tonight, Dohyonnie?” Junho’s voice is sweet, sweeter than Dohyon has ever heard it. Junho’s voice is very pretty, Dohyon realizes. Like warm or soft cotton or sunlit honey. Maybe that’s why Junho was here, maybe his smooth voice calms Eunsang down. 

Dohyon just stares back, unsure of how to respond. 

“Please? Just this once, Dohyonnie.” Junho tilts his head and looks back inside the room carefully, as if he were in a hurry. “It would mean a lot … Eunsangie just needs some help with something.” 

Junho’s words are not unkind, they’re honestly and delicately spoken and yet it feels like a slap to the face. Dohyon hears, ‘_ you can’t help him _’ instead. 

“O––okay.” Dohyon says quietly. 

Junho’s smile is nervous and doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He places his hand on Dohyon’s shoulder and his grip is so warm Dohyon can feel it through his shirt. “Thanks a lot.” 

Junho shuts the door quietly, presumably to not wake up the other residents of this floor. Dohyon stands in front of the shut door for several moments, processing what just happened. When he finally is able to will his legs to move again, he’s too unaware of his surroundings to realize how loud his stomps were down the stairs. When he reaches the first floor again, Seungwoo is already standing against the wall, arms crossed, probably ready to scold him. 

“Dohyon, don’t tell me you’re hungry again.” His voice is thick with sleep but his tone is a little amused, as if he finds Dohyon’s antics cute. 

“Actually, I’m gonna sleep in Minhee and Hyeongjun’s room tonight.” Dohyon’s voice is squeaky and higher than he remembers it. He wishes he didn’t sound so vulnerable. 

Seungwoo’s handsome face drops and his charismatic smile is gone. “Where’s Junho?”

“In my room.” Dohyon shifts his weight, suddenly feeling interrogated under their leader’s heavy stare. “W––with Eunsangie-hyung.” 

Seungwoo’s face melts and he’s smiling lightly. Dohyon has a sudden flashback to the events of just moments before as Seungwoo places both his hands on Dohyon’s shoulders. Seungwoo’s are bigger than Junho’s and firmer, but somehow lighter. Seungwoo seems to be carefully doing so, as if he were scared Dohyon could be crushed under his hands. It’s strangely comforting. 

“Thank you, Dohyon.” His eyes are sincere as he ruffles Dohyon’s hair. Even though they’re practically the same height, there’s something about Seungwoo’s knowing smile and kind eyes that make Dohyon feel like a child clinging to their parent’s sleeve. “You should sleep soon, okay? We have a long day of schedules tomorrow.” 

Dohyon only nods and lets Seungwoo walk him to Minhee and Hyeongjun’s (and Junho’s) door. He ushers Dohyon in without another word and shuts it as silently as possible. Dohyon finds himself wondering why his hyung was even awake. Maybe Seungwoo feels restless too. 

Neither Minhee or Hyeongjun stir when Dohyon climbs inside Junho’s crowded bed. There’s too many plushies on it and Dohyon feels like he’s invading someone else’s space, probably because he is. Does Junho feel the same in Dohyon’s bed? He makes room for Junho’s dozens of dolls, despite how ridiculous it is, because _ technically _it’s their bed before his. Dohyon closes his eyes, but he can’t sleep. He just listens to the quiet darkness swallow their entire house whole. Dohyon just listens to Minhee’s quiet snoring that sounds vaguely like a cat’s soft purrs when you rub their tummies right. He just listens to the sound of his own heart pounding nearly out of his skin, racing as if he was still on the practice room floor, standing in front of the mirror drenched in sweat, terribly exhausted and out of breath but unable to stop dancing. 

* * *

Dohyon is the second to wake up in the dorms at morning. Hyeongjun is tugging at the blanket, his voice urgent but quiet. “Junho-ah, we need to wake up soon. Why are you so stubborn this morning?” 

When Dohyon flips over, Hyeongjun lets out the loudest scream possible (which should’ve been comical if Dohyon wasn’t so tired). “Yah! What are you doing here, Dohyonnie? This is Junho’s bed!”

From behind him, Minhee rises upward completely, like vampires awakening from their caskets in movies. His hair is still tucked neatly into the hood of his hoodie and his eyes are barely open. Minhee’s face is rosy as he reaches for his glasses. “Hyeongjun, what the fuck.”

“Language!” Hyeongjun says, already starting to pull Dohyon up as if he were an infant that couldn’t sit up by himself. 

Minhee waves the comment off with a yawn. “Dohyon came in last night. I knew this would happen.” 

Hyeongjun’s face is sympathetic when he turns back to Dohyon. His face is glassy and his cheeks are puffy from sleep yet he’s still so, _ so _ pretty. His hair is flat against his head and there’s drool on the side of his cheek but even Dohyon’s sleepy, groggy mind finds it cute.

“Poor baby. They kicked you out huh?” Hyeongjun pulls Dohyon’s legs out from under him, swinging them over the side of Junho’s bed as if Dohyon was a baby who couldn’t control his own limbs. 

Dohyon nods glumly. 

“Well, hurry up to the bathroom then. I’m gonna wake everyone else up. Will you wake Junho and Eunsang up when you go back to your room?” 

Another nod. 

“Great! Thanks so much, Dohyonnie.” Hyeongjun pinches Dohyon’s cheek hard enough to reduce any lingering sleepiness from Dohyon. 

With that, Hyeongjun is already prancing out of the room, as if it weren’t 6:00AM. 

_ Huh, we slept in later than usual today. _ Dohyon thinks. 

When he’s finally able to bring himself out of the warm bed, Dohyon decides to neatly tuck the blankets and comforters back into the wooden bed frame. He picks up any stray plushies that may have fallen out in the night, trying his best to make Junho’s bed as neat as possible. he wasn’t quite sure if it worked, but he tried his best. 

“You know, Junho probably won’t even need to make _ your _ bed.” Minhee says offhandedly, still wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. His blonde hair is peeking from under his hood, probably a mess that would make their stylists cry in frustration. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Nothing!” Minhee says, turning to the other side, seemingly going back to sleep.

Dohyon exits the room and walks up the stairs. The house is dead silent except for Hyeongjun’s humming and movements from downstairs. The bathroom door is already open (which is only _ slightly _ terrifying, since that means someone didn’t close the door last night and there’s a 25% chance it could be a ghost) and the blinds are open. 

Dohyon quickly brushes his teeth before washing his face and leaving. Wooseok is already standing outside, yawning as he blinks his sleepy deer eyes. 

“Morning, hyung.” Dohyon says. “Why aren’t you using the one downstairs?” 

“Huh? Mini’s down there.” Wooseok responds, his voice so low that it’s almost a whisper. 

Dohyon steps out of the way, letting his hyung’s slighter figure through the narrow doorway. Wooseok isn’t usually loud (key word: _usually_) but he’s basically mute in early mornings. Dohyon knows most of his hyungs drink coffee (Seungyoun, in particular, drinks a disturbing amount), if Dohyon drank some, would he feel more alive too? 

He makes his way to his bedroom and finds himself hesitating again. There’s no noise inside, which means Junho and Eunsang are still asleep. Yet Dohyon still feels the need to knock first. He feels out of place, he wants to go back downstairs and climb into Minhee’s bed with him. But Dohyon doesn’t do that, instead, biting his lip and twisting the doorknob open. 

The blinds are open and the sun is peeking in. The room is exactly as Dohyon had left it (why wouldn’t it be?), his notebook open and pen balanced between the piano keys and all. Dohyon glances at his bed to find it completely empty. The blankets are still tucked in and the pile of clothes Eunsang had folded are still neatly piled in the left corner. 

Dohyon goes on his tippy toes and peers into Eunsang’s top bunk. As expected, on the bed is not just a single, slight figure but _ two _. Eunsang’s body is covered almost completely by Junho but from experience Dohyon knows Eunsang sleeps on his side, facing the wall. He usually falls asleep humming, sometimes when he’s mid-sentence. Eunsang doesn’t so much snore or sleep talk as he does whisper, as if his dreams were a secret. On nights when Dohyon can’t sleep, he can hear it: Eunsang whispering names and words that Dohyon doesn’t understand. Did he whisper like that last night too? The bed is small, but somehow the two of them made space: Junho’s face squished against Eunsang’s shoulder, feet dangling over the side of the frame, arms so tightly knit around each other that Dohyon wondered how they didn’t suffocate. Yes, the best is much too small for Junho and Eunsang, but they press so closely against each other that one could fold into the other.

Dohyon isn’t quite sure how to wake them up. He feels that he is seeing something he isn’t supposed to. 

So he exits the room, closing the door as silently as possible. This time, he knocks and calls out and waits for someone to open the door. 

This time, Eunsang opens the door. his hair is a mess and Dohyon’s shirt is too big on him, hanging off his thin body like a blanket. His eyes are puffy and red, but Dohyon pretends not to notice. His cheek bears an imprint of the sheets and he’s sniffling, as if the air was too stuffy to breathe. Despite it all, Eunsang looks less tired than he did yesterday. He even smiles at Dohyon, which for some reason feels so rewarding. 

“Good morning, Dohyonnie.” Eunsang’s voice is raspy, but not any lower than it usually is. 

Dohyon manages to smile in return. “Morning hyung. Hyeongjunnie-hyung told me to wake the you guys up.” 

Eunsang nods, pulling the door open. Junho is sitting on the floor, hair a mess on top of his head and his eyes blinking sleepily. Junho pulled Eunsang’s blanket off of the top bunk and has it wrapped around him. His legs are bare, but he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt that has holes in the sleeve. Dohyon wondered if Junho gets cold easily and that’s why there’s an entire village of plushies and dolls occupying his bed. 

“Hyung, you should probably go downstairs. The bathroom up here will be pretty full.” Dohyon tells Junho, who seems to process the words rather slowly.

“Okay.” Junho gets up, bringing the blue blanket with him. He smiles at Eunsang with tired eyes, then turns to Dohyon and thanks him again (though for what, Dohyon isn’t sure at this point). 

“Wait, Junho!” Eunsang calls. For a moment, Dohyon thinks that Eunsang is going to ask for his blanket back, or something like that but Eunsang’s lips quiver for a moment, so quickly that Dohyon might’ve imagined it. “T––thank you!” 

Eunsang’s face is red as he says it but he’s still smiling, his cheek dimples like whiskers against his face. His face is glowly from sleep and his hair a mess but he still looks so pretty. Dohyon turns away, feeling like an extra note making a melody off key. 

“No problem.” Dohyon doesn’t see Junho as he says it, but his voice is warm with affection. 

For the rest of the morning, Eunsang is back to normal. He even saves Dohyon a seat at breakfast and coddles Dohyon on the way to the company. When they arrive at the company building to endure the hell on earth that was dance practice, Eunsang rubs Dohyon’s tired legs and pinches his cheeks to comfort him and sneaks him snacks that he definitely shouldn’t be eating. But it isn’t the same, not as it had been. Eunsang didn’t change, if anything he’s exactly the same as he had always been. It was as if the night before he wasn’t a ghost in their room, as if hadn’t sat in that top bunk shivering from a rain that Dohyon couldn’t see. No, it was Dohyon. Something inside Dohyon has snapped and he isn’t sure how he’s supposed to repair it. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it, please leave kudos and comments for me! you can also talk to me on at my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/amijikiri) or dm me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dolceunsang) !!!!


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